if you cant make fun of yourself who can?..lol

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Canadian Hunter
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Old Hockey Injury
Gordie came to work one day, walking with an awful limp. Brad, one of his co-workers, noticed the limp and asked: "Gordie? What happened to you?"
Gordie replied: "Oh it's nothing really. I just have an old hockey injury that acts up every once in a while."
Brad: "Gee Gordie, I never knew you played hockey."
Gordie: "I don't. I once lost a hundred bucks betting on the Maple Leafs and I put my foot through my television."
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Moose Hunting

Two guys from Prince George would go moose hunting every year without success. Year after year, they hunted and hunted, but always came home without a moose.


Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They rented a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose. The plan was to hide inside the costume, lure in a bull moose, then come out of the costume, surprising the moose before shooting it.
So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, (in their costume), and gave the moose love call. Before long their call was answered by a large bull moose roaming around the edge of the forest. They called again, and the moose answered closer to them. They called again, and the moose answered, then came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. As the moose's pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, "OK, let's get out and get him".
After a moment the guy in the back shouts: "THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?"
The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you better brace yourself!"
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A Canadian, A Genie, And A Bottle

A Canuck walking along the beach (they do have those in Canada) finds a strange-looking bottle, picks it up, and rubs it clean.

Out of the bottle pops a genie who says: "I am the genie of this bottle and for setting me free I will grant you three wishes."

The canuck thinks about this offer for a minute and then says: "I could go for a nice cold beer."

Suddenly, *poof*, a bottle of Molson Canadian appears in his hand. The canuck takes a swig from the bottle, then another and another.

The genie, who is starting to get impatient, says: "Well? What are your other two wishes?"

The canuck says: "Wait! Let me finish this beer first."

The genie says: "No, you don't understand! That is a bottomless beer. It will never go empty."

The canuck looks at the genie, and then looks at the beer and finally says: "I'll take two more of these!"
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A Canadian In Alabama -hehheheheheh Keltin and Mama

A guy walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a white wine. All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north.
The bartender says, “You ain’t from around here, are ya?”
The guy says, “No, I’m from Canada.”
The bartender says, “What do you do in Canada?”
The guy says, “I’m a taxidermist.”
The bartender says, “A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist? Do you drive a taxi?”
“No, a taxidermist doesn’t drive a taxi. I mount animals.”
The bartender grins and hollers, “It’s okay boys. He’s one of us.”
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A Texan, A Canadian, And A Guy From Michigan

A Texan, a Canadian, and a guy from Michigan are out riding horses.

The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle of whiskey, takes a shot, then another, and suddenly throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the bottle in mid air. The Canadian looks at him and says, "What are you doing?! That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!" The Texan says, "In Texas, there's plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap."

A while later, not wanting to be outdone, the Canadian pulls out a bottle of champagne, takes a few sips, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it. The guy from Michigan can't believe this and says, "What did you do that for? That was an expensive bottle of Champagne!"

The Canadian says "In Canada there's plenty of Champagne and bottles are cheap."

So a while later the guy from Michigan pulls out a bottle of beer. He opens it, takes a sip, takes another sip, and then chugs the rest. He then puts the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun, turns around and shoots the Canadian.

The Texan, shocked, says, "Why did you do that?"

The guy from Michigan says, "Well, in Michigan, we have plenty of Canadians, but bottles are worth a dime."
 
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