Abusive Families
- Thread starter Deadly Sushi
- Start date
Thank You, Joe.
I second that, JoeV. 
Biskit
New member
I understand. The boss of which I posted died, way too young.......................60-something..............alone in his apartment. Usually I feel pity for someone who has to die alone. Not this time.
Thank God I have parents who were not abusive. My mom drives me nuts sometimes, but she's cool.
If my dad ever put a hand to me, it was because I had it coming.
Thank God I have parents who were not abusive. My mom drives me nuts sometimes, but she's cool.
If my dad ever put a hand to me, it was because I had it coming.
This reminds me of someone my husband used to work for. This guy used to scream and swear at people on a daily basis. Literally scream and swear. In meetings with lots of people present. And he was a VP, in charge of a very large silicon manufacturing plant for a global company.
He rarely yelled at my husband but there were several people who were routinely targets of his tirades. My husband would come home furious day after day. I counseled him to trust that karma would ensure this guy got his in the end.
Well, after 10+ years of this, the company was sold to a much larger company, who honored all of the stock options from the previous company and also gave enormous retention bonuses. The end result was that this guy made about $8 million in the sale - after taxes! My husband came home saying WTF!!! If this is karma making sure the guy got what he deserved, then my husband wanted to be an asshole, too! I admitted it seemed very unfair, but still told him to set it aside and trust that the guy would someday pay for all the grief he caused others. (I wasn't really sure I actually believed it at this point, but I was worried that being this pissed off would cause my husband to stroke out or something!)
About a month after this guy took home the $8 mil, he fell over dead of a massive heart attack while screaming at someone in a big meeting. His was a huge funeral, but I think most of the people attending were there for the second reason, too.
You know it is funny but I've never had a boss like this ever and I've sure had a few. I have two simple rules that I make sure they understand up front or don't hire me for a job. The first is don't screw with my money, when you say you will pay me you best pay me. The second rule is as simple, don't raise your voice to me unless that is the day you wish to visit the hospital or worse. I don't raise my voice to people so don't do it to me. If I do something wrong in your opinion simply tell me about it and I will either correct it or move along if I disagree with your opinion.
Biskit
New member
I'm about to lay down the law to my co worker who will, eventually, be my supervisor.
Our super has been off because of surgery. Mr. Co worker has been having his fun "bossing" me around. He's 58 yrs old with a bad leg, so I know most of the more physical work falls on my. However, I don't think he realizes that MY damn back gets sore too! I don't think he thinks about anything besides what he's got going at the moment.
I've come THIS close to coming uncorked at him a few times in the past couple of weeks. All I hear him moan about is how he has to do all the brain work for our dept, which is a pain in itself. I don't hear him talk about the physical part. He's really pissing me off. I don't think he means to, but he does.
That, and acting important is.........well..........important to him, I guess.
Our super has been off because of surgery. Mr. Co worker has been having his fun "bossing" me around. He's 58 yrs old with a bad leg, so I know most of the more physical work falls on my. However, I don't think he realizes that MY damn back gets sore too! I don't think he thinks about anything besides what he's got going at the moment.
I've come THIS close to coming uncorked at him a few times in the past couple of weeks. All I hear him moan about is how he has to do all the brain work for our dept, which is a pain in itself. I don't hear him talk about the physical part. He's really pissing me off. I don't think he means to, but he does.
That, and acting important is.........well..........important to him, I guess.
I worked for a lady when I was 17. It was a Mom and Pop seafood restaurant on the Gulf Coast called Nan-Seas. The owner’s name was Nancy. Cool turn on the name of the restaurant. Nancy = Nan-Seas!
Nancy was a big gal, all of 6 foot and clocking 250 or more. They say back in the day, she used to carry a .38 in an ankle holster, but that was gone by the time I got there.
Nancy had…..some would say……a temper back then…..but today it’s called a disorder!
There were stories of her not being able to make it through the night without throwing an ashtray at the wall.
She was stern, and never pulled punches. She had no qualms about bitching and yelling.
One night, we were exceptionally busy, and me and Jeremy (my best friend) were busting tail in the back doing dishes and side orders. At the end of the night, she brings us both out. She starts by complimenting us both and saying we did great. We were fast, efficient, and the best she had seen in a LONG time.
Then slowly, she went off to the left and told me to button my shirt. Jeremy should tie his apron, I should pulled my hair back tighter. And then BOOM, it was a full on rage. She was screaming and cussing us for all we were worth. Then…..she caught her breath, said we were great, and even hugged us. We just looked at each other and went back to the back.
We were young, and that was something that “just was”. Nancy could bitch better than most, but at the core, she was golden. She acted like a mother to both Jeremy and I, and when one of the waitresses started messing with us and pushing drugs, I thought Nancy was going to kill her for “messing with her boys”. That girl was fired fast…..good for her actually.
That was a “teenage” job, and outside of those type of jobs, I’ve luckily not seen the screaming boss. I’ve worked with some real asshole co-workers, but fortunately all of my “professional” bosses have been great.
Nancy was a big gal, all of 6 foot and clocking 250 or more. They say back in the day, she used to carry a .38 in an ankle holster, but that was gone by the time I got there.
Nancy had…..some would say……a temper back then…..but today it’s called a disorder!
There were stories of her not being able to make it through the night without throwing an ashtray at the wall.
She was stern, and never pulled punches. She had no qualms about bitching and yelling.
One night, we were exceptionally busy, and me and Jeremy (my best friend) were busting tail in the back doing dishes and side orders. At the end of the night, she brings us both out. She starts by complimenting us both and saying we did great. We were fast, efficient, and the best she had seen in a LONG time.
Then slowly, she went off to the left and told me to button my shirt. Jeremy should tie his apron, I should pulled my hair back tighter. And then BOOM, it was a full on rage. She was screaming and cussing us for all we were worth. Then…..she caught her breath, said we were great, and even hugged us. We just looked at each other and went back to the back.
We were young, and that was something that “just was”. Nancy could bitch better than most, but at the core, she was golden. She acted like a mother to both Jeremy and I, and when one of the waitresses started messing with us and pushing drugs, I thought Nancy was going to kill her for “messing with her boys”. That girl was fired fast…..good for her actually.
That was a “teenage” job, and outside of those type of jobs, I’ve luckily not seen the screaming boss. I’ve worked with some real asshole co-workers, but fortunately all of my “professional” bosses have been great.
Did you? Can you share?
pugger
New member
After all the trouble he caused, it turns out getting & staying sober was the best my Dad was going to do by us (family members). And that's okay by me, resentment & anger now is just poison in my veins if you know what I mean. Many had it much worse than we did.
My sober sibling, Mom & I joke about him completing an 11 step program. The amends part is/was given short shrift. I don't want to minimize the effort/success he's had helping others get sober.
Dad's like a friend, not really a father. That was really much more of a job, I think, than he was ever going to be able to really handle. His major shortcoming/blindspot is acting as if all the harm he did doesn't matter & continually joking/needling on various subjects where he should show reserve and sensitivity instead.
My sober sibling, Mom & I joke about him completing an 11 step program. The amends part is/was given short shrift. I don't want to minimize the effort/success he's had helping others get sober.
Dad's like a friend, not really a father. That was really much more of a job, I think, than he was ever going to be able to really handle. His major shortcoming/blindspot is acting as if all the harm he did doesn't matter & continually joking/needling on various subjects where he should show reserve and sensitivity instead.
i'm not going to go into depth but i learned quickly how not to treat my children.
From 5 to 8 years old, I was put into push-up positio0n in front of him. You had to hold that position and not let your belly touch the ground. THEN, he’d put his feet on our backs because we were the foot stools.
He pointed a loaded .45 revolver at my forehead once and CLICKED it. Either miss-fired or was empty.
I used to hide under the porch when he came home, and he never found me. Great hiding place.
I used to think that tea cups and plates coming out of windows was normal. Smashing windows was the norm.
He kicked the bathroom door in one time when I was trying to pee…..I’m 7. He screamed and told me to get out the way while a real man did the business. That kinda screwed me up for a while and gave me “shy bladder” for years – not proud of that at all, and it was a real inconvenience. I’ve beat that, but he can still kiss my ass.
But get this, not sure how everyone else feels, but there is, in my book, a Father and a Dad.
My “Father” had sex with my mother, and he was an ass.
My Dad was my “step-dad” but he raised me as his own and loved me and taught me. He’s the best man I ever knew.
He pointed a loaded .45 revolver at my forehead once and CLICKED it. Either miss-fired or was empty.
I used to hide under the porch when he came home, and he never found me. Great hiding place.
I used to think that tea cups and plates coming out of windows was normal. Smashing windows was the norm.
He kicked the bathroom door in one time when I was trying to pee…..I’m 7. He screamed and told me to get out the way while a real man did the business. That kinda screwed me up for a while and gave me “shy bladder” for years – not proud of that at all, and it was a real inconvenience. I’ve beat that, but he can still kiss my ass.
But get this, not sure how everyone else feels, but there is, in my book, a Father and a Dad.
My “Father” had sex with my mother, and he was an ass.
My Dad was my “step-dad” but he raised me as his own and loved me and taught me. He’s the best man I ever knew.
Biskit
New member
You nailed it!
Deadly Sushi
Formerly The Giant Mojito
Wow! I didnt expect the HUGE response from so many folks. Ive gone for therapy in the past. I want to go again but lack the $$$ and insurance. In a way THIS is my therapy. But has everyone else gone to see someone too?
Sush, I think everyone in some way has experienced some degree of abuse in their lives, some just prefer not to talk about it.
To answer your question; no I'd never gone to therapy over my incident, but I think it did damage me for a very short time, as I had to learn that being alone with other male members of the family was going to be ok.
There was a time after my uncle did that to me where I wouldn't even go with Grandpa Lowe for ice cream!
It could have ruined the way I feel about men and my own sexuality, but it didn't at all.
Could have been worse I guess.
To answer your question; no I'd never gone to therapy over my incident, but I think it did damage me for a very short time, as I had to learn that being alone with other male members of the family was going to be ok.
There was a time after my uncle did that to me where I wouldn't even go with Grandpa Lowe for ice cream!
It could have ruined the way I feel about men and my own sexuality, but it didn't at all.
Could have been worse I guess.
No I don't put much faith in therapy after knowing a few in the line of work. Besides that is what my wife is for, to talk to about things that bother me if need be. I've been married since I was 17 years old.
I've never been to therapy either. I feel as though I used my experiences to make me a better person. I've been able to forgive and move on because I know that they too were probably abused and weren't strong enough to use their experience to better themselves and Lord knows they didn't have the money for any kind of therapy...I come from a dirt poor family.
My father was an alcoholic and verbally abused my mother, brother and I. Hubby is a verbal and emotional abuser but is much better now than he used to be, although there are scars that will never heal. The worst part is, I see how it has affected my children
And on that note, I work in a psychiatry/psychology office. I see it every day...
PanchoHambre
New member
I spent alot of time in therapy as a kid... we all did.. I grew up in the age of kiddie therapy... today they would have just prescribed us all into zombies.
No offense to therapists but most of them really just meddled and caused more damage. The house I grew up in was not abusive...actually if anything the opposite but it was incredibly dysfunctional... my step siblings were are are subject to emotional abuse by their horrid mother. Not one of them has been able to make a marriage last more than a few years. My brother that I worry about constantly got a really raw deal with his mom (at least she is ok now and he has a relationship with her) the damage is undoable. He is a great person but not a totally functional one.
This is on my mind right now.. over the last couple years I have watched a number of kids I watched grow up on my folks picture perfect affluent suburban block get shipped off to rehab. The latest is a girl now in her early 20s who I have known since she was a toddler. Without going into intimate details this is a kid who was spoiled rotten til 16 and then basically abandoned... mom died dad was ready to live his life again..... so the story goes. The kid was totally ill equpped to deal. Abused not really but some different decsions by the parents and the story might be different. Hopefully she makes it. Where I live now the drugs and absentee parents are terribly visible.. .where I grew up all sorts of shit hides behind perfetly manicured lawns
homecook
New member
I agree with that wholeheartedly! My son is only 18, from the time he was 16 til now he's had 4 friends die from suicide. We knew two of the families well and you never would have known how dysfunctional they were until this happened. Then the stories came out. One of the other families after the first suicide, a year later her older brother committed suicide also. It's just so sad for everyone.
Biskit
New member
Suicide......................................really screws up those left behind.....I know.