Cancer Cachexia

dansdiamond

Food Sound Eng.
Gold Site Supporter
Arnetta's Journal
Aug. 19, 2009

Many of you have asked me to continue to post entries about our journey. I thank all of you for your continued support and concern. I probably will need to journal for a while to help me in closing this chapter in my life and beginning the new ones.

Time is short today, but I wanted to let all of you know that I am doing okay.

Now Warren is at Home and whole again. I have felt his presence and understanding around me since he took that journey. I know that someday, when I am finished here, I will be with him again. The feeling of his presence now and the knowledge that I will see him again, are helping me to move forward.

I'm hoping to see many of you at one or more of the upcoming events - visitation today or tomorrow or the memorial service/birthday celebration on September 1st. If you can't make it to any of them I understand. It would be impossible to devise a schedule that could accomodate everyone. If I don't see you at any of those times, I'm hoping to see you in the near future. You have been wonderful and I'd like to tell you that in person.

Thank you and God Bless You All.


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dansdiamond

Food Sound Eng.
Gold Site Supporter

FRIDAY, AUGUST 21, 2009 8:40 PM, EDT




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Today has been a busy day. At 10:30am I met with Sherry, Tim and Judy from church to talk about plans for Warren’s birthday party memorial service luncheon on September 1st. After the meeting, those same good friends volunteered to use their van to go over to Heeney-Sundquist to pick up the flowers and other mementos from Warren’s stay there. I am now wearing Warren’s wedding ring on my right hand. It fits the ring finger pretty well but may need to be made a bit smaller when I lose the water weight I seem to have acquired in the past couple days due to my unfamiliar eating patterns. Time to get back to basics!
Early this afternoon, the Home Care people came to pick up the equipment we had gotten through Hospice – the oxygen machine and portable tanks, the oxygen sling for the wheelchair, the hospital bed and air mattress, the bedside table, and the commode. I was glad to get those things out of my sight – they were reminders of how sick Warren had been and I want to picture him well now.

As I sit down to write, I’m not sure where my thoughts will take me. I know there are a lot of messages I wish to convey.

First, I want to say how very pleased our family was with every aspect of our Visitation experience at Heeney-Sundquist Funeral Home. From the care and attention given to us by the staff there, to the outpouring of love and friendship from all of you who were able to come to one of the sessions, it was a time to remember. I hope that at least someone from our family was able to greet and talk to each one of you individually. If any one of you was missed, please know that we appreciated your attendance very much. The shear number of people who came – especially on the second day – made it challenging to keep track of the entrances and exits of all of our friends and family but it was our intention to greet everyone and I offer our apologies if we didn’t. I do hope that all of you signed the Guestbook. If somehow you forgot, please let me know that you were there.

The two days of visitation went very quickly and all the activity was filled with bittersweet pleasure. As always, one realizes at times like these that it’s wonderful to be able to see and talk to so many friends and family members – the sweet part – but the circumstances that have brought us all together are sadly bitter.

I am by nature a friendly and open person who always has a smile to share; that didn’t seem to change in the past two days even though at times my heart felt as if it was breaking inside of me. My tears were just under the surface and it didn’t take much to make them spill over the top, but someone was always there to lean on when they did.

I spent some tender moments beside the casket alone with Warren as well as some with family members, especially my granddaughters who are devastated by their beloved grandfather’s death. The girls were given a choice by their parents as to whether they wanted to go near the casket and they all chose to go. We believe that their decisions proved to be a good thing.

The oldest granddaughter, Becky (12 years old on Sept. 9), had been unable to meet her own expectations about how much she thought she should be crying for Grandpa. As soon as Becky came into the room and saw Grandpa laid out, the floodgates opened and she was inconsolable for several minutes. It was a good and cleansing cry, and Rebekkah felt better for having let out her grief. Now she is much more able to deal with her feelings.


Rachel (now 10), knowing that Grandpa was sick and expected to die from his disease, has cried herself to sleep a lot throughout her Grandpa’s illness, so, unlike Becky, Rachel has been grieving all along. Rachel continued to cry as much as one might expect her to while she was at the funeral home.

Grace, the eight year old, and especially Beth who will be five on August 27, are still not fully aware of their loss. They did cry but were more able to shake off their sadness and act as if everything was okay.

I believe both of our children, Caryn (going on 39) and Justin (32 on August 24) are making progress in dealing with what we consider the very sudden and premature death of their father. Both of the kids have felt that their relationships with their Dad were getting better and better during the past several years. Like Justin said one evening as he choked back his tears, “We were just getting warmed up”. I can only imagine what it must be like to lose a parent while as young as or younger than our children are. I am fortunate to still have my 95-year-old father with me and in pretty good health. I lost my mother when she was 88 but she had Alzheimer’s disease for 20 years before she died, so we had a very, very, long (and often painful) time to say “goodbye”.

It was good that I was so busy for the three days following Warren’s death. It gave me very little time to think about my heartache. But last night, as I stood for the last time by Warren’s physical body lying in the casket, I didn’t want to leave him. I knew he was no longer there and, in fact, he’s in a much better place with God in Heaven. But that body was the last corporal evidence I had that Warren had walked this earth with me. It was very hard to let go of my need to be able to reach out and physically touch him. I suddenly felt so alone as I realized the time had come when I would never lay eyes on him again. I wondered then if Warren’s presence that I had felt with me since the morning he died was in any way actually related to the fact that his body was still on this earth.

Today has been a strange day. Thankfully, I still feel Warren’s presence in our home, but I am prone to cry at every little thing that reminds me of his physical being – especially pictures of him, the gifts given to him during his illness and all the tokens of his accomplishments that meant so much to him and to me.

The boxes and boxes of files, magazines and books that have, for many years, prevented us from having the neat and uncluttered home I dreamed of, will gradually be gone. Warren’s wardrobe spanning high school and college to the present will be donated to charity. His clothing fills the entire master bedroom closet from floor to ceiling leaving just a 2’ square area of floor to reach anything from. In searching for summer clothing for Warren to wear during his illness, I also found another 15 or more file (or larger) boxes of his clothing in the basement storage area. Our entire cedar chest is filled with his fancy wool sweaters that were hardly ever worn.

I laugh now when I think about how many years Warren claimed that our clutter problem was caused by my doll collection (which is all displayed in one of our bedrooms while still leaving the room totally functional) and my nutcracker collection (which is displayed on just one small wall in the dining room). He seemed unable to admit that his tendency to save every book and magazine that crossed his path had anything to do with the problem.

I almost feel guilty that I am really looking forward to downsizing within our home so that eventually every room will be as neat and inviting as the rejuvenated family room which I’ve struggled to maintain throughout this difficult time. Warren loved the transformation in that room as much as I do. Therefore, I remind myself that Warren had also finally come to the realization that our clutter was getting out of hand; he had vowed that we would both do something about it when we had time. I now will have time so I will work in Warren’s memory to make our home a place I can enjoy and one where he would be happy to be, too.

I have a good idea of how Warren would like our home to look. Both of us would come home from the houses of our neater friends and say we wished that our house could look like that, too. By the end of 2010 I will strive to have made significant progress, including finishing the solid oak flooring upstairs. That had been our goal for 2009.

I will, of course, be saving all the wonderful things that remind me of the great man my husband was – diplomas, pictures, trophies, things he made or wrote – but the biggest treasure, of course, will be our memories of him.

Speaking of memories, one of Justin’s friends, Bill, sent me a wonderful digital picture of Warren and me, which he had taken on his 2006 road trip to Michigan. I was very happy to get it to use in the digital picture frame we displayed at the funeral home. If any of you have digital pictures you could send me by e-mail, I would love to have them for the digital frame that will be used at the Memorial Service and beyond.

In closing, I want to mention that some of you have asked me to talk about what happened during the hours immediately following Warren’s death. I will be working on that document over the next few days. Hopefully it will be ready to post early next week.

I do have a busy weekend planned. I’ll be pulling the motor home out of it’s garage tomorrow and meeting Caryn and Tim and the grandkids at Kilarney campground in the Irish Hills for an afternoon, night and morning of family fun.

Thank you again to all of you for the support you have given us. I truly don’t believe I would have been as strong throughout this ordeal or as well adjusted at this point in time if you hadn’t been there. I leaned on you a lot and you were always there! Thank you will never be enough! God Bless us Everyone!

Arnetta M. Whitehouse


 

Meme4251

New member
What a amazing, loving person you are Annette even though I do not personally know you. I admire every quality you hold in life. Wish I could explain it much better. God Bless You, Sheri/Meme
 

PieSusan

Tortes Are Us
Super Site Supporter
Arnettamae, take your time. Don't push yourself to do things that you are not ready to do. As silly as it sounds, I cried my eyes out when I donated my father's clothes as per his wishes. I had to do that twice because my mom has two homes. My mom wanted to help me but she could not. In the end, I felt better because I knew that my dad's clothes would be put to good use and would help others but going through everything and remembering all the occasions and gifts was a very hard thing to do. Give yourself some time before you dig in.
Hugs, Susan
 

dansdiamond

Food Sound Eng.
Gold Site Supporter
SUNDAY, AUGUST 23, 2009 6:14 PM, EDT
Arnetta's Journal

[/I]On Saturday afternoon, August 22, while at Camp Kilarney in the Irish Hills with Caryn, Tim and the Grandkids, I sat down to fulfill the request from several of you to journal the events in the wee hours of the morning following Warren’s death. Caryn and Tim had taken the girls to go paddle boating and I knew that would be hard for me to do, first because it’s not my thing (especially in the rain) and, secondly, because I could still picture Warren and Becky doing it together. Always on the edge of tears, I really felt inclined to stay at the campsite alone and write for a while.

As nearly as I can recollect, I have remembered and relayed below, what transpired between the time I last spoke on the phone to the Hospice triage nurse to confirm Warren’s non-responsive status and when I again found myself alone sometime after 4am.

Between periods of staring at Warren in disbelief, crying, and talking to him, I paced the floor. The time seemed to drag on forever. Finally two men from the fire department arrived around 2:30am. I met the men at the door and told them that Warren was gone. They thought I meant that he had left - “You mean he got up by himself and left?”. “No,” I said, “I mean I can’t feel a pulse; I think he is dead,” and I started to cry again.

When I mentioned that Warren was on Hospice, one of the men asked me for the Hospice papers so I retrieved them for him. He told me he was looking for the Do Not Rescuscitate Order. I told him that Warren had never signed one. I cried, "Please don't try to rescuscitate him! He has cancer in four different organs and he has suffered enough".

I took the men into the room to see Warren and one of them felt his neck and wrist for a pulse. They concurred that there was no detectable pulse. They kept asking me over and over again when he had quit breathing and I kept telling them the same thing; "I got up with Warren to help him use the commode at about 1:30 and that’s the last time I remember noticing the clock. It’s usually about a 10minute process to use the commode and he fell at the end of the effort. When I couldn’t get him up I immediately ran to the kitchen to call for help. It probably took me about 5 minutes to finally get hold of the fire department - that would make it about 1:45am when I was speaking to your dispatcher. That’s when I heard Warren’s voice for the last time. No more than 15 to 30 seconds after hearing Warren speak, I was off the phone and at his side. He was non-responsive."

“So,” my interviewer asserted, “you believe he died around 1:40.” “No,” I said, “I believe it was a bit later than that. If you want an exact time you could find out from your dispatch records - I’m assuming you have records. He most likely died just as I was hanging up the phone.”

The man I was talking to then made a call - I’m assuming to the medical examiner’s office - and relayed the story to him. But I heard him tell the man on the other end of the phone that “the wife says she thinks he died around 1:30”. It’s no wonder records get so screwed up!

It was a hot night and I had the air conditioning on so I shut the front door. They told me to leave it open because more people would be arriving so I went in and turned off the air conditioning and closed the cats in the other part of the house so they wouldn’t get out through the front door.

I also realized that the only way for anyone to get to Warren was to walk over my makeshift bed - the three large couch cushions that were wedged between the foot of the bed and the wall. I began to pick up my bedding so I could get the couch cushions off the floor. Not only would that make things more convenient for them, I also didn’t want everybody walking all over them. The men told me I couldn’t remove anything - like it was some sort of crime scene or something. All I wanted to do was to make sure the cushions didn’t get ruined. For years we had reminded the grandchildren and other kids not to walk or jump on the pit couch cushions and now I was expected to let four or five grown men traipse all over them! I held my tongue and said nothing, yet I was politely ordered to leave the room. Two more men arrived shortly and entered.

The Hospice Nurse, Judy, assuming that Warren had been helped back to bed, called to tell me that she was on her way from Brighton to check him out. I told her there was no need to check Warren out because he had passed away and she probably didn‘t need to come. Judy replied, “Well, if he has passed you need me more than ever. I need to help you with the procedures.” Judy arrived around 3am and I was very glad to have her there. She was wonderful!

While Judy talked to me and wrote down information in the foyer, the men were busy in Warren’s room. Judging by the electrode sticker backings I found on the floor, they gave Warren some sort of electro gram to confirm the total absence of vital signs. The man who appeared to be in charge came out and told Judy that the doctor had pronounced Warren dead over the phone at 2:42am on the basis of the test results. It had been almost a full hour since the actual time of death. After he and Judy had coordinated their paperwork the men left.

The door to Warren’s room was left open. They had laid Warren on the bed and left him there with the sheet pulled up over his head. I went in to be with him again but didn’t want to pull the sheet down. I put my hand on his arm. It was cool but not cold through the sheet. Though I couldn’t see Warren’s face, I cried and talked to him and told him again how much I had wanted to be with him when he died and was so sorry that I hadn‘t been.

After Judy saved her work to her laptop she needed me to answer more questions. Now that we had a supposed time of death, it was also time to call the funeral home to come and get Warren’s body. I got our church bulletin because Heeney-Sundquist always has their info on the back of it. Judy then called and made arrangements for Warren to be picked up. I began to fold my bedding and remove the cushions. Judy pitched in and helped me. Then she made an inventory of Hospice equipment that would need to be picked up and asked me to gather all medications dispensed by Hospice so that they could be destroyed.

Judy was going to flush the meds down the toilet or put them down the garbage disposal - the standard procedure. I told her that, as an environmentalist, I was very uncomfortable with such a thing happening from my home (or any home for that matter). The habit some people have of disposing of medicines in that way is having a very detrimental effect on our lakes, streams and ground water and adding to the toxicity of them. I told Judy that I have a box of old medicines in the garage that I plan to take to the next hazardous waste day available to me and I would like to do that with these, too. Judy said that I could do that. All I needed to do was to sign a paper saying that I would legally and responsibly dispose of the medicine myself. That leaves Hospice off the hook for responsibility.

A body transport team from Heeney-Sundquiest arrived around 4am. They were very professional, caring and polite. The young lady told me that if I wanted to be in the room with Warren while they transferred him to the stretcher I could but they didn’t recommend it. She said that after they had him in the body bag, they would leave the head portion unzipped so that I could say a final goodbye. All I could tell Warren again, was that I loved him and was sorry he left while I was away; but I was happy that he was at peace and whole again in Heaven.

Judy stayed around for a while winding up her paperwork and making sure that I was okay. She told me a lot of stories from her experience about dying people waiting till they were alone to die. She assured me that Warren had planned to exit just the way he did - leaving me to know that I was on the phone trying to get help for him and saving me the agony of witnessing his final breath. Several of you have assured me of that, too, so I prefer to believe you are correct.

After everyone left, I tried to lay down and sleep for a few minutes but it was impossible. It was too early to call people - I didn‘t want to have to leave messages or blank calls - so I sat down and wrote my Caring Bridge entry while I waited for the clock to say 6:30am. That’s the earliest I expected anyone to be up. At 6:35 I started by calling family and close friends that I knew would be early risers and worked my way around the clock. I knew I needed to notify at least the kids and Bob before I could publish the news - I didn’t want them to read it first on Caring Bridge.

Tomorrow I will happily journal about our weekend camping experience and why I know that Warren was with us. I will have Caryn’s collaboration on that! She and the granddaughters are coming to town tomorrow to meet with Reverend Dale Miller and me and share our Warren stories. I look forward to that but I know we will need a few boxes of Kleenex!


 
 

dansdiamond

Food Sound Eng.
Gold Site Supporter
MONDAY, AUGUST 24, 2009 11:05 PM, EDT


Arnetta's Journal!

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I got up at 7:30am on Saturday refreshed after a sound 8-hour sleep. After doing a few necessary things around the house, I went out to start the motor home and pull it out of the garage. Unfortunately, the vehicle hadn’t been started last fall or at any time during the winter. The battery sounded strong when I first turned the key, then quickly ran down before the engine could catch. I would wait a few minutes and try again with the same results – a strong sounding battery that quickly ran down. I thought if I could get jumper cables on it, I may be able to get it going but I wasn’t strong enough to get the hood open. The hood is bent from flying up one time while driving on the expressway and it works really hard. Even strong men have trouble opening it so I knew my arthritic hands were no match for it.

I called Caryn and told her the sad news. I said I would bring the backpacking tent out of the motor home but if it kept raining, as it was that morning, I didn’t think I would like spending the night in it. I said I would probably just drive the car there for the afternoon and come home after the campfire.

When I told them my tale of woe, Caryn and Tim offered to let me sleep in their pop-up camper on the table that makes into a bed. Caryn said she, Tim and the four girls don’t use the table as a bed and it was easy to put together. I was still worried that having me in the pop-up with the six of them would make it too crowded but both Caryn and Tim assured me it would be fine.

Tim was in the army and maintains that the pop-up camper is for the girls in his family anyway! He likes “rugged conditions”. In fact, Tim said if I was really worried, I should bring the back packing tent so he could sleep in that like “real men” would do and I could take his place in the camper.

Tim would have had very rugged conditions if he had decided to use the tent. The weather was not good Saturday and Sunday – it was cold and it never did quit raining. However, at the end of the evening we would all end up fitting in the camper fine and it was nice to be warm and dry. (Aside: In spite of his assurances that he doesn’t need a camper, Caryn has noticed that Tim is much more eager to go camping since they got the pop-up.)

I arrived at the campground late (a few minutes after noon) Saturday due to a traffic backup in Saline and everyone was very hungry by the time I got there. We immediately piled into the two vans (Caryn and Tim’s neighbors were there, too, with their two young boys – two and five years of age) and went to Marcos for a pizza lunch. Marcos is a “hot spot” so Tim was able to get an Internet connection to make his NASCAR picks.

After pizza, we drove to the Cherry Hill Wine Tasting Grape Orchard. It’s quite a place and they make heavenly wine. I bought all the bottles I tried samples of so I'm glad I stopped at three samples. One bottle was a gift for my Dad – he loves Sangria and this one was the best I had ever had.

While Caryn, her neighbor Kelly, and I tasted the wine, Tim and Steve watched the kids - six in all - roll endlessly down the steep hill next to the building. Their delighted squeals let us know they were having a wonderful time in spite of the rain and cold.


After wine tasting we went back to campground. Everyone went paddle boating and, as you know, I stayed behind to write the Caring Bridge entry entitled “Death In the Night”.

Since getting back to the campground, I had been feeling melancholy. It was strange to be camping with the kids without Warren. Warren and I had helped them buy the camper last summer as a family gift and, I must confess, the gift was somewhat selfish on our part. Warren and I had imagined all the hours of family fun we would share camping with Caryn and her family throughout the coming years all over Michigan and beyond.

My tears were always just under the surface and I was beginning to feel as if I might put a “damper” on the party and probably shouldn’t have come. Then while making dinner, Caryn told me about her last conversation with her Dad and everything changed for me.

Knowing that the end was near, on August 11 - exactly one week before he died, Caryn went in to talk to her dad about her feelings. Warren asked Caryn if she was okay with him passing away so soon and if the grandkids would be able to handle his passing. Caryn told him that she and her family would miss him terribly but it was very sad for all of them to see him so sick and weak that he couldn’t enjoy life anymore. She also told him how very much the whole family treasured every canoe trip, bike ride and camping experience that he had enjoyed with them. She told Warren that the family would continue to enjoy the camper and would think of him fondly every time they used it. It was then that Warren asked Caryn if he could come along on the camping trips. He said, “I promise I won’t take up much room”. Caryn told me that she had promised her dad that she would make a place for him in the camper so he could always be along with us. I, of course, cried some cleansing tears and from that moment on, I felt Warren there with us.

We closed the evening with a campfire, hobo pies, singing around the fire and, of course, a keg of Tim’s home brew. It was all wonderful!

This afternoon (Monday) Caryn and I met with Reverend Dale Miller, who will be giving the Eulogy on September 1, to tell him stories about Warren. We gave Dale lots of material but he is very open to receiving more. Please let me know if you have any stories you want to add. Dale also encourages anyone who wants to say something about Warren to let him know or you can let me know and I will pass it on.

Plans for the luncheon are also in place. We know Warren was loved by a lot of people so turnout is expected to be very good and we want to make sure there is plenty of food for everyone. Those of you who know about Methodists know we are VERY big on food!

The papergoods, meat (ham), and rolls and butter are being funded by the family. Our friends from the Back 40 – our social group at Nardin Park – and women from my Circle, Evening Star, are providing salads and desserts.
Some of you have asked if you can contribute anything to the luncheon. Representatives from the Back 40 have told me that salads and desserts would be welcomed. Relish and/or fruit trays would be fine as salads. As usual, food can be brought the day of the funeral, or marked “Whitehouse funeral luncheon” and left in the church kitchen the day before. We thank you in advance for any contributions you would like to bring.
We look forward to seeing all of you there to celebrate Warren's life!



 

dansdiamond

Food Sound Eng.
Gold Site Supporter
FRIDAY, AUGUST 28, 2009 8:32 PM, EDT
Arnetta Journal
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I’m doing okay, everyone.You haven’t heard from me because it’s been a very busy week.There is always something every day that makes me cry for a while, but that is to be expected.It’s good to have things to keep me busy so there is balance in my life.


Monday Caryn and the girls came in the morning and we met with Reverend Dale Miller in the afternoon.Caryn left with the girls for Lansing around 3:30 and by 4pm I was on my way to Heeney Sundquist to pick up the death certificates and commemorative plaques and pay the funeral bill.Afterwards I dropped off the two wheelchairs at the church.

Monday evening, in preparation for carpet removal on Tuesday, I began clearing out Warren’s old office which had become his first floor bedroom during his illness. Tuesday morning I finished boxing all the CD’s from Warren’s office music cabinet so we would be able to move it off the carpet when the time came.My helpers, Celeste and her son Adam, arrived at 11:15am and we headed out in the rain for a hearty lunch at the Olive Garden to fortify ourselves for the task ahead.

Tuesday afternoon, Dad joined me, Celeste and Adam. We were able to remove the red carpet from the office floor in three four to five foot strips without serious mishap – just a scratch on Adam and a small puncture in me.Eventually, I will use the carpet strips (burlap side up) as foundation for wood chip and leaf mulch to help keep the weeds down between the berm and the sidewalk along the east edge of our back yard.

By late afternoon, we got all the carpet removed except for the computer corner. Celeste and Dale's other son, Darren, is a computer guy so later on I hope he can come over and help disassemble that corner so nothing gets damaged. There are wires and peripherals EVERYWHERE!Meanwhile, I can start to lay the parquet tile from the center out and leave the computer corner for last. I'm planning to start the floor after the September 1 Birthday Memorial Service with the tile that Warren and I had already purchased for the job.

After Celeste and Adam left I started working on the walls in the room. For the rest of the afternoon and throughout the evening, I had a wonderful time arranging Warren's mementos on the walls. The room will be totally dedicated to Warren’s memory and his love of God, family and sailing. The beautiful quilt made especially for Warren by the women at Nardin Park hangs in a place of honor on the west wall where the head of his hospital bed once was.

When I was finished hanging things, I stepped back and looked at the arrangement. I was astounded at how well everything came together. Warren would be so pleased!I told Warren that I hope he really likes it, then of course, I cried for quite a while. It's tough to work with things Warren loved in the room in which he died! So far in fact, in a lot of ways, going on without Warren is as hard or harder than caring for him was, but I will be okay. I feel Warren's presence, I know that God is with me, and loving and supportive friends and family surround me. I am truly blessed.

Wednesday morning the sun returned and the day dawned incredibly beautiful.I took advantage of the weather to plant the seven pots of mums I had purchased in the beds around the deck then watered the area very well.I also did some weeding and transplanted some plants that were being overshadowed by the phenomenal hosta growth this summer. It felt good to work in the garden again and I felt Warren’s approval of my efforts.

After lunch Wednesday, I went to Helga and Hank’s to visit and so that Hank could scan pictures from our photo albums for inclusion in the digital photo frame. That project took all afternoon. After we were finished we went to the Outback for a celebratory dinner. Then after I got home I tried to organize three days worth of mail that I hadn’t gotten to and do some overdue chores before bed.I’m still way behind but I will be home tomorrow – Saturday – and I hope to catch up.

At 8:30 Thursday morning I left for Lansing to celebrate our youngest granddaughter, Beth’s, fifth birthday with her and the family. It was raining when I got there but we didn’t let that dampen our party spirits. We went to Horrock's where I bought more mums in red and orange for the deck beds and also some of my beloved Pink Lady apples. We all enjoyed our coffee creations from the free coffee bar at Horrock’s, too. The next stop was Hobby Lobby where we bought some beading projects.

Our next stop was fantastic! Beth requested lunch at Clara’s for her birthday. Clara’s is an elegant old train station turned restaurant in downtown Lansing.The food is as wonderful as the atmosphere and the kids really got a thrill out of eating their lunch in the old dining car adjacent to the station.

By the time we finished lunch, the weather cleared up and we spent a perfect afternoon at the Potter Park Zoo (you wouldn’t believe the upgrades!) before returning home for the birthday dinner of Beth’s choice – “buscetti” with meatballs (otherwise know as spaghetti), salad, fresh baked garlic sticks and Tinkerbell cake with strawberry swirl ice cream.

After the girls were in bed, Caryn, Tim and I had a great evening with Tim’s latest three brews, some reminiscing and a brand new episode of “Monk”. Tim’s Raspberry Cream Ale was spectacular and I imbibed a bit too much! I spent the night in Lansing and drove home early this morning so I could bowl with Dad on the Senior Friday league. It was my first time bowling since very early in Warren’s illness. It was a lot of fun to be back there again and I didn’t do too badly considering my long absence. However, my 95-year-old Daddy had the top score with his 178!

After bowling I paid the property tax (before I forget) and went to get a real honest to goodness haircut – my first professional cut in almost a year!

That brings me up to the present.I can’t say it has been easy. The tears are still just under the surface and the slightest thing can set me off – putting away an article of his clothing, meeting someone who doesn’t know he’s gone, seeing one of his treasures again, reading a card or letter written in his memory, hearing the Michigan fight song, the smell of fresh coffee and fresh bread – two of his favorite aromas.In a strange way, though, all those things also bring me joy because they bring good memories of Warren and because I know that his life in heaven is filled with things that he cherishes, too – good health, peace and love.


 

PieSusan

Tortes Are Us
Super Site Supporter
These are the words that struck me most and rang true when I lost my dad as I had no idea how to do his jobs and fill his shoes but I have managed. I still miss my dad and it is not always easy dealing with my mom on my own but...well, you said it here:
So far in fact, in a lot of ways, going on without Warren is as hard or harder than caring for him was, but I will be okay.
 

PieSusan

Tortes Are Us
Super Site Supporter
I tried to edit and add the following but I am exhausted so I am going to add them here:

Hugs to you, Arnettamae!
 

dansdiamond

Food Sound Eng.
Gold Site Supporter

SATURDAY, AUGUST 29, 2009 6:46 PM, EDT


Arnetta Journal

I spent some time last night and today rereading (and in many cases reading for the first time) the cards and letters that have arrived since Warren’s passing. I found all the best wishes and expressions of sympathy very comforting.

There were some greetings with personal notes of reminiscence and others with long verses that brought tears of bittersweet joy to my eyes – bitter because I know that nothing will bring Warren’s physical being back, and sweet because the messages validate my feelings that he really never left. I’d like to share with all of you one of the verses that so beautifully describes the way I feel .....

His Journey’s Just Begun

Don’t think of him as gone away –
His journey’s just begun,
Life holds so many facets –
This earth is only one.

Just think of him as resting
From the sorrows and the tears
In a place of warmth and comfort
Where there are no days and years.

Think how he must be wishing
That we could know today
How nothing but our sadness
Can really pass away.

And think of him as living
In the hearts of those he touched…
For nothing loved is ever lost –
And he was loved so much.
By E. Brenneman
And the following handwritten note from a good friend reminded me of Caryn telling me that she says, “Hi Daddy”, when the breeze rustles the leaves in the trees. I have been having the same kinds of thoughts – Warren loved nature so very much……………..

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand by my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.

Author not given.

On a different note, the following very comforting letter came from a long time friend and client…………….

Dear Arnetta,

Please let me add my condolences to the many others you have received on the passing of your beloved Warren. No one who has followed your nightly epistles can doubt the loving care by which you sought to cure Warren.

Warren is a very lucky man. I say “is” because he will live on in his friends’ memories. Do not ever doubt that he will be waiting for you. Your love for each other came through to your friends and clients in a way that words cannot express. Think of your eternity together sailing in a ten-knot following breeze! May this thought help to console you in this hour of need.

I must say it certainly has. It also makes me happy that the deep and abiding love shared by Warren and me was so evident to so many of you for I have heard that said again and again.

Warren was worthy of the deepest love and respect humanly possible. It makes him and me proud and happy that he received it from not only me, but, quite obviously, from many others as well.

In closing this entry, I want to mention that I owe the strength that so many of you have noted in me, first to God. Then I must give all of you a lot of the credit, too. You have really been there for Warren and for me. We appreciated each and every one of you very much.

Thank you to all of you for your visits to this site, your e-mails, notes, cards and acts of kindness. Every number in that 26,200+ visits to Caring Bridge represents someone who cared. That’s phenomenal. There were also many more friends who visited the journal through Net Cooking Talk because my high school friend, Dan Diamond, posted every Caring Bridge Journal Entry on the Medically Eating Tips and Tricks, Cancer Cachexia NCT thread. Thanks go to all of you for all your thoughts and prayers.

So regarding strength, I leave you all with one final thought for the day. My good friend, Diane, sent me a “daily quote” the other day that she said made her think of me. It mademe think of everyone else..……..

"You never know how STRONG you are until being strong is the ONLY choice you have."

Being strong really was the only choice I had, and I will remain strong because I still have no other choice. My family needs me and, besides, Warren would want me to continue to be strong because he can’t physically be here with me. I have no doubt, however, that he is watching over me and our family from Heaven just like he has always done on Earth and that thought brings me much comfort and consolation.



 

dansdiamond

Food Sound Eng.
Gold Site Supporter

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 2009 11:40 AM, EDT

Arnetta Journal


Everyone who was able to attend Warren’s Birthday Memorial Service loved it. Reverend Dale Miller’s message was incredibly personalized and full of good humor and praise. The three soloists – Claude accompanied by Mel Rookus singing Warren’s very meaningful request, “Beautiful Isle of Somewhere”, Christine’s Psalm 23 also with Mel at the piano, and Tony’s acappella gospel version of “Amazing Grace” - were astoundingly wonderful. Everyone listening was amazed at the small but incredible sample of talent from the highly esteemed Farmington Community Chorus.

Several times throughout the service, I shed many tears punctuated by a few chuckles during Dale’s VERY well done Eulogy. Then During the final hymn - "How Great Thou Art" - I totally lost it. It's a favorite hymn of ours that mentions all the wonderful things in the world and the universe that Warren loved, before ending with the following verse...........

"When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation and take me home, what joy shall fill my heart! Then I shall bow in humble adoration And there proclaim, my God how great Thou art!"...

After the benediction we went to the Memorial Garden to bury Warren’s ashes next to a red rose bush and I cried more tears into the same handful of Kleenex that I had already quite thoroughly dampened during the service.

When we got to the luncheon, I threw the sopping Kleenex with all the tears away and said, Okay, now it's time for the birthday party. The tears were gone and everyone had a wonderful time - including Warren! Many people said they felt he was there. Our oldest granddaughter, Becky, had a chair beside her that she said her grandpa sat in the whole time!

I told myself that Warren often sat silently in the wings waiting for his chance to jump in with a pertinent remark or that renowned dry wit of his that everyone (including me) loved. In fact, our friend Helga mentioned Warren's unique brand of humor in her wonderful verbal tribute to him and to our families' ageless friendship. As you can imagine I was always the "chatterbox" in the family - opposites do attract! I once made the remark within Warren's family that, "I don't know what to say." Warren's dad immediately came back with, "That's a first". Yes, I definitely had a reputation among the quiet Whitehouse clan.

Everybody was full of praise for how fun and wonderful the whole event was. The food provided by friends and members of the church, the table decorations by Carolyn Bough and the service by our social group, the Back 40, and my Circle, Evening Star, were all wonderful and seemed to happen without a hitch. One of our sailing friends, Ronnie, said it was the best funeral she had EVER been to, and she said it to everyone over the microphone during "story time".

Other friends told wonderful stories, too, about how Warren had impacted their lives. Frank and Tom told bowling stories and Don and Wilfred Robinson from The American Sailing Institute talked about Warren's significant contributions to the success of that organization. Our oldest granddaughter, Becky, wrote a wonderful and heartfelt poem for Grandpa which she read, and then she talked about all the fun times that she and her sisters had shared with him. It was all so beautiful! Grace and Beth made nice speeches, too, but Rachel, the one who has cried the hardest, found it too hard to say anything. Rachel and I have hugged a lot lately, though. I think we both find a lot of comfort in that. I held her tight next to me while Dr. Dale Miller buried Warren’s cremains in the garden.

All the available gifts that Warren had received over the past months were there at his birthday party, too. I took a large lined set of divided baskets I had on hand and put the cards in it - one side was get well cards and the other was sympathy cards. I also put the tags from the food gifts on sticks and stuck them in the basket. Early on there was The Great Harvest Easter Basket from Micheal and Marlene and The Edible Fruit Bouquet from our couples bowling league, Easy Commuters. Then at the funeral home, the family parlour was decked out with The Great Harvest Goody Basket from Bob's neighbors, Fern and Al; the deli tray from the Kucharski family and Oma; and the pastry basket from Caryn's college friend, Lisa and her family. The basket of cards and tags on picks was like a bouquet of good wishes. I put a sign in front of it that said "Thank you Everyone for your love and support" and signed it “Warren, Arnetta and Family”. I displayed the basket with all the other gifts Warren received: the prayer Robe and accessories from Donna; the Get Well Beanie Bear from the Granddaughters; “Bo” (named for Bo Schembechler), the Vermont Teddy Bear in University of Michigan Colors from Eric; the exquisite prayer quilt from the Women of Nardin Park; and the picture pillow from Sharon and George with the last picture I have of Warren and me before his diagnoses. There were other gifts, too, too numberous to mention that I had no transferable physical evidence of. All of them were greatly appreciated throughout Warren's illness.
I did save the now deflated Mylar balloon from Dale and Celeste which says, “With God, All Things Are Possible” and put it among the gifts on display. Early in Warren’s illness we couldn’t believe how long that balloon floated even after I brought Warren home from the hospital. We all had hoped its endurance was a sign that God would indeed do the humanly impossible and cure Warren. That didn’t happen but there have been many smaller miracles along the way. The biggest miracle happened the night the cancer spread to the right place in Warren’s brain (July 22/July 23) thereby completely alleviating Warren's intense number 8 to 10 pain that had ceased to be controllable even with larger timed doses of morphine. The next step would have been a morphine drip and Warren and I and the kids might never have had the opportunities we had in the last month of Warren's life to be able to talk about all those things that mattered so much to all of us.
When I got home from the service at around 3pm there was another very nice gift waiting – a glow in the dark glass garden ball from my college friends, Linda and Gwen. The Garden ball is the perfect thing for our deck garden! I have a spot that's in full sun most of the day for which I wanted something just that size. The ball can easily be seen from the deck and from the sunroom. Even though the orb only got a couple hours of sunlight yesterday afternoon, I could see it glowing from the sunroom last night. It will be a wonderful reminder of Warren as well as of the warmth and friendship from my two longtime close friends.

I got back to the house at about 3pm and Caryn and her family came, too. Tim started right in on working on my computers. He didn't finish his many updates and upgrades until after 6pm so we got out all the food sent home with us from the memorial service and we ate from it again. The kids left around 8pm and then I filled the dishwasher and sat down to answer e-mails. By 10pm I was exhausted and went up to say “Goodnight” to Daddy so I could head to my own bed and my big teddy bear companion to hug.

Now I will get on with the business of life and grieving. I have been given several books and book references that have helped others with that process. The book gifts include: “When Going to Pieces Holds You Together” by William A. Miller and “Living With Grief When Illness is Prolonged”, edited by Kenneth J. Doka, Ph.D, both from Elizabeth who lost her husband after a prolonged illness; and "On Death & Dying" by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, MD. from Pete who lost his father. Pete says he “found this book very helpful in making me realize that my emotions were normal, and the ebb and flow, and my shifts from grief to anger to bargaining, to the rest of the palette of grief were normal and usual. I learned that there is no "right amount of ......" and that it takes well over the year people sometimes mention for the emotions to subside.”

Books recommended by Christine who lost her beloved John within the past few years are:
[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Wasnt-Ready-Say-Goodbye-Surviving/dp/1891400274/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1251472327&sr=1-4"]I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One[/ame]by Pamela D. Blair Ph.D.

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Living-When-Someone-Love-Dies/dp/0553352695/ref=sr_1_22?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1251472398&sr=1-22"]How To Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies[/ame] by Therese A. Rando

And these books helped ease my concerns about life after death:

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/One-Last-Time-Psychic-Medium/dp/0425166929/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1251472575&sr=1-4"]One Last Time: A Psychic Medium Speaks to Those We Have Loved and Lost[/ame] by John Edward

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Talking-Heaven-Mediums-Message-After/dp/0451191722/ref=sr_1_16?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1251472602&sr=1-16"]Talking to Heaven: A Medium's Message of Life After Death[/ame]by James Van Praagh

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Crossing-Over-Stories-Behind/dp/193212800X/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1251472686&sr=1-8"]Crossing Over: The Stories Behind the Stories[/ame] by John Edward

I may eventually be able to read those books that have been gifted to me or recommended by my friend. So far, I've been very busy with family and necessary activities and that business will continue up through Jay and Kate's wedding. Add to that the fact that I've never been a reader (and that's strange because I've always been a writer or, at least, a writer wanna-be) and it may be a while before I get a chance to read anything.

So far anyway, I seem to be handling the "grief thing" pretty well. I really haven't felt any anger and I don't think I will. Who could I be angry at? Warren didn’t will himself to be sick and God didn’t make him that way. There have been times of profound sadness and I'm crying and working my way through those as they come up.

My thought is that there really is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everybody has their own way and I am finding mine. So far it's working for me. I hope it continues to; if it doesn't and I begin to notice chinks in my armor, I've got the three books ready and waiting together on a shelf and Christine’s recommendations to consider, too. It's a comfort to know the information is there. Everyone tells me that I am now about to enter the hardest time – when all the "fanfare" is over – so the counsel may be needed sooner than I imagine.
For now, however, family birthday and anniversary celebrations as well as my joy over Jay and Kate’s wedding and the goal of being ready for it all help to keep me going. The wedding celebration will be small - just family and close friends of the bride and groom - but it's still 65 people in this house if October 17 turns out to be a cold and rainy day and I need to be ready. I’m also thrilled about being able to return to the Farmington Community Chorus this fall and getting back into my life at Nardin Park, too. Most importantly, beyond my faith and my family, my deep friendships with so many of you – friendships that transcend coupledom – will help to carry me through the tough times.

Thank you EVERYONE for taking this journey with me. Thank you for your love, support, messages, prayers and tears. You have been my rock!

This may be my last entry on Caring Bridge but it’s nice to know that Warren’s page will always be here for me if I need it again. Meanwhile, in preparation for possible publication, I will be working on editing all the journal entries to say “Copy write by Arnetta M. Whitehouse” at the end of each one. I will also be adding things in some of them that I left out for brevity’s sake (believe it or not) and for sensitivity reasons.

I also have another idea for a book. It will be a long time coming but if it could help to save a marriage it would be well worth telling. Meanwhile, I leave you with the following thought: as beautiful as our marriage was and as deeply as Warren and I loved each other, there was a time when we became estranged and signatures on a divorce decree almost ended it all. We worked our way back from the edge of the abyss (Warren was incredible!) and were much stronger and much more in love than ever for having endured the struggle and completed the journey. Our story leads me to believe that if there is respect and commitment between a husband and a wife, there is always hope for a marriage to survive any calamity and ours was huge for us. You have all seen, and many have noted, the proof of love’s endurance in the loving relationship that Warren and I shared and will always share as he lives on in my heart now and forever.

Copy write by Arnetta M. Whitehouse


 

Meme4251

New member
what a strong and faithful person you are Arnetta. Again, God Bless You and Your Family. Peace be with you always. Meme
 

dansdiamond

Food Sound Eng.
Gold Site Supporter
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2009 9:02 PM, EDT
t.cAUmrcQTvownfJNi.jpg

Memorial Service


for


Warren W. Whitehouse


Nardin Park United Methodist Church


September 1, 2009


Eleven o'clock am


Rev. Dr. Dale Miller, Pastor


Rev. Susan Youmans, Pastor


Mel Rookus, Organist



I am standing on the sea shore,


A ship sails in the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.


She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her


Till at last she fades on the horizon.


Someone at my side says: "She is gone."


Gone! Where! Gone from my sight - that is all.


She is as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her.


The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her.


And just at the moment when someone says, "She is gone,"


Others are watching her coming and gladly shout: "There she comes."


That is dying- an horizon and the limit of our sight.



- Bishop Charles Henry Brent

Voluntary
Words of Grace
Jesus said, I am the resurrection and I am life. Those who believe in me, even though they die, yet shall they live. And whoever lives and believes in me shall never die. I am Alpha and Omega, .the beginning and the end, the first and the last. I died, and behold I am alive forever. Because I live, you shall live also.
Greeting
We have gathered to worship God and to celebrate the life of Warren William Whitehouse. As we gather, we trust in the presence of God that walks with us in our grief and helps us in our time of need. Although we come in sorrow, we also give God thanks for the life and memories of Warren.


May God grant us grace, that in pain we may find comfort, that in sorrow we may experience hope, and that in death we may claim resurrection.

Prayer
We bring our burdened and grieving hearts to you, 0 God. We feel our loss overwhelming us, and we search our questioning minds to understand the mysteries of life and death. Warren was a precious part of our lives, and we feel we have lost part of ourselves in his death.



Give us understanding that relieves our aching hearts. Help us not to rush through this valley, but to walk with you and learn what it means to live and die in your sight. Teach us to trust in your grace in life and in death. Be especially with members of Warren's family. Clothe each with comfort, compassion, and love. May they sense your presence through our words and acts no matter how inadequate those may be. And now we trust the spirit of our loved one with you, 0 God, believing in your promise of eternal life. Amen.

Solo "Beautiful Isle of Somewhere" Claude Grant
Words of Grace
Romans 8
I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us. We know that all things work together for good, for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. What then are we to say about these things? If God is for us, who is against us?
Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Pastor: This is the Word of God for the People of God.
People: Thanks be to God.



Solo "Psalm 23" Christine Kavka


Words of Remembrance
Years ago Labor Day was observed on September 1 no matter what day of the week on which the date fell. It was on Labor Day, September 1,1944 that Helen Katherine Whitehouse went into labor and soon she and her husband, William Edward Whitehouse greeted their newest son, Warren William. He joined his older brother, Bob, as a member of a wonderful and loving family.
Childhood friend, Gary Middlekauff, wrote of their early days together:
“I fondly remember the early 50's as a much simpler time. We were lucky to have a whole block full of good kids who hung out together. And where did we "always" hang out? Warren's house! He had it all, thanks to great parents, and a great older brother. They had a big screened-in porch in back where we ate PB&J's, fixed by his mom, and played board games (Clue, Monopoly, and Baseball, probably handed down from Bob).
There was the swing over the sand pile where we built elaborate cities with all his cool metal cars. There was the basketball hoop on the garage with that big driveway in front. In winter, Warren's dad would always flood the empty lot next to them so we could play hockey, and we did, every day after school until dark.
We were all big collectors of pop bottles (2 cents each). That money went for 5 cent candy bars and chocolate malts at the nearby Beer and Wine store and Dairy Queen. Of course there was "Edgewater Amusement Park" where we spent many of our days making Christmas tree forts or shooting off fireworks! Not all kids are lucky enough to have a great childhood. Mine was made better because Warren was in it."
Warren attended Cass Tech and Redford High School. He went on to graduate from the University of Michigan and the University of Michigan Law School.
Growing up Warren learned the value of family as his parents kept in close contact with almost all of the family members, whether they were close or distant relatives. As it turned out there was this distant cousin by the name of Arnetta. Warren's mother's mother and Arnetta's father's mother were sisters. Warren and Arnetta knew each other when they were both younger, but then Arnetta and her family moved away for a few years. Eventually, they returned to Michigan and this young lady attracted the attention of young master Warren.
Warren, however, was painfully shy and he asked another family member to ask Arnetta if she would be interested in going bowling with him. She accepted. It wasn't until the third date that he held hands with her. At the end of the fifth date he informed Arnetta that he had gone to the U of M Law School library to see if it's legal for cousins to marry. If it was illegal he would have to stop seeing her. If it was legal - and it was - then it would be okay to continue seeing her. With that pronouncement he gave Arnetta a quick kiss on the cheek, got into his car and sped away.
Arnetta was left wondering whether she had experienced a marriage proposal or not. She had. They continued to see one another and even though Warren was a student he figured out how to financially enter into marriage. We heard that as a youngster he loved playing with metal cars. He fell in love with a real car, a Jaguar, and began saving money to buy one. After he fell in love with Arnetta he came to the conclusion that she was better than a Jaguar and they were married on July 1, 1967.
They became parents to Caryn and Justin, welcomed Tim into the family as Caryn's husband and their four daughters, Rebekkah, Rachel, Grace and Elizabeth. They also welcomed Jay's fiance, Kate, into the Whitehouse clan.
Warren was a physically active man, playing softball, touch football, ice skating, ice hockey, golf, jogging, bowling and sailing.
This energy carried on throughout his life taking hikes alone and with his family. The family took camping trips in a Ford Econoline Conversion Van. Many times the destination was with the Kucharski (silent "c")family to Tobermory in the Bruce Peninsula on the Georgian Bay in Canada.
They also traveled to Wilderness Park at Disney World, to Mt. St. Helens, Mt. Rushmore, Arizona and some half of our fifty states. Whether they were on a hiking trail or seeing some geographic sight Warren always had to read every sign and plaque in front of him. He was also a neat freak who could not stand sand or dust or dirt in the van or tent.
One his favorite vacations was with Caryn and her family when he rented a house outside Disney World where he bought a multiple-day pass for everyone. Something we must understand, however, is that fact that Warren was thrifty, maybe even frugal. In order to get his full dollar's worth at Disney World the family had to be there when the park opened in the morning and they didn't leave until the parked closed late at night. To save money, each family member was equipped with homemade lunches and they took in their own drinks.
Warren was the best grandpa. He loved his granddaughters and played games with them, read books to them and never passed up on a chance to see them.
As a law student Warren began working in the legal department for Touche, Ross, Bailey and Smart, an accounting firm. In 1971 he partnered with Dale Watts as they began their own law firm. Watts and Whitehouse P.C. with their offices in Birmingham. In 1986 Warren struck out on his own, establishing the law firm of "Warren W. Whitehouse, P.C., working out of his own home, covering Trust and Estate work and Tax work for individuals and corporations.
Warren and Arnetta became members of the Nardin Park congregation in 1991. They immediately became members of the "Back Forty" Fellowship group. Warren served on the Finance Committee and the Memorials Committee, as well as being a member of the first "Discipleship" Bible study group.
Warren was an avid bowler, eventually raising his bowling average to 209. He loved sailing and was a very active member as a Captain of the American Sailing Institute. This teaching organization owns boats together and Warren was quite the sailor. He loved to sail the North Channel at the top of Lake Huron, but his eyes would sparkle when he talked about the time three couples rented a catamaran to sail the Caribbean. The rental came with a captain, but he was totally unnecessary. The rental captain got to sleep for a week while Warren and the rest of the crew were more up to the adventure of sailing the former pirate waters.
Warren possessed an analytical, logical, and methodical personality. When Caryn had saved her baby sitting money to buy a camera, it was Warren who poured over all of the consumer report to find the best evaluation and deals available. He then presented all of his research to Caryn and she had to make the decision.
Caryn always appreciated her dad's honesty and his ability to stand up for what is right. Jay was grateful that his father was such a moral and decent man.
Warren's brother, Bob, wrote these words to him:
“I have always admired and been extremely proud of you. This pride ranges from your going toUofM law school and setting up your own private successful law practice, to raising a truly family with a saint for a wife (great choice), two great children, along with four wonderful, loving grandchildren, which is a tribute to Netta as well as you. I have been proud of how decent, honest, sincere and reverent a man you became. You have truly led an exemplary life, one that any man would be proud to have led."
When we speak of Warren the name of Arnetta has to be mentioned in the same breath. Theirs is a love story whose depth has been so transparent over the years, but especially over these last seven months as Warren struggled with pancreatic cancer. To sit down at the computer each evening and read the Warren Wm Whitehouse's Journal daily epistles from Arnetta was to look into the souls of two genuine people who faced all of life together.
The last weeks of Warren's life were not easy for him or his family. Arnetta wrote on August 17, "He is in a channel halfway between Lake Cognizant and Lake Dementia and I'm finding the navigation very difficult. I'm counting heavily on God to be my lighthouse guiding the sailboat that signifies our marriage."
The front cover of our memorial service bulletin is a lighthouse. Warren navigated his life extremely well. There is much to celebrate, not simply his accomplishments, but also his qualities as a husband, father, grandfather, brother and friend. He engaged life to its fullest and we shall always be thankful for him. Thanks be to God for Warren Whitehouse.
Solo "Amazing Grace" Tony Camiletti
Words of Hope
Sailors know the terms "jetsam" and "flotsam." When a storm is coming, wise sailors throw out of their ships the jetsam, the stuff that is likely to weigh them down and make their ship more likely to take on water and sink. Smart sailors let go of jetsam when a storm is coming.
Flotsam is the stuff that is left over after a ship wreck. It may or may not be very pretty or neat or outwardly desirable. The saving grace of flotsam is that it floats and we can hold onto it to keep ourselves from drowning before we get to shore. Flotsam is what we can hold to after the storm has passed.
The question for us is, "What in our lives - spiritually, physically, emotionally - is jetsam and what is flotsam? What do we need to let go of and what do we need to hang on to?
I believe Warren was the kind of man who intuitively knew the jetsam of life. He threw out anything and everything that would prevent him from sailing the sea of life. He hung on to the values that mattered. He did this task so well, that we can truly appreciate and celebrate his life. Was he perfect? No, but he was faithful to who he was, to his family, to his friends, to his church, and to his God. For preserving the goodness of living Warren receives a captain's rating.
Now we come to the flotsam, the stuff left over after a ship wreck, and I'm pretty sure that pancreatic cancer is a ship wreck. The cancer was not pretty or neat or desirable. It was horrible. Unfortunately, disease strikes. It is not the will of God, but it is simply the by-product of basic principles of this world crashing painfully into our lives. Sometimes our bodies break down, playing no favorites in the process-
Warren knew this. What he discovered was with the flotsam of this experience there was something to hold on, something that prevented him from drowning in self-pity. Warren had the love of his family, his friends and his God. That love is still here, even after the storm of death has passed.
The book of Romans that nothing can separate us from the love of God in Jesus Christ, not even death. Warren's love for you and your love for him has not stopped. God's love for Warren has not stopped, but continues forever. Arnetta wanted to hold this memorial service on Warren's birthday because this day is truly another birthday for Warren, a birth into life eternal, the never-ending relationship with God and with us.
The idea of God loving us forever is an audacious claim, but in fact it's the bedrock of our faith. God's unconditional love for Warren is a seal upon our hearts and a promise that we claim for him and for us this day and every day.
At the top of our bulletin you have read the story about the ship. Today we could say, "He has left us." Instead, we can say, "He has arrived." Death is not the end of life, it is the beginning. It is the beginning of new life, a birth day into life eternal.
Today, there is grief felt by all of us. But along with our tears of sadness, we also have tears of joy - joy in the sure and certain hope of the Resurrection. In the Resurrection, the world of the finite becomes the glorious eternal, anxiety becomes peace, loss becomes hope. In the presence of Christ we find eternity, we find peace, and we find hope. Thanks be to God.
Prayer
0 God, Creator of all life, help us to understand death as a special part of life, trusting in your goodness and great love for every one of us. We feel now the pain of parting with one we love, but we rejoice that we were privileged to experience life with Warren. We entrust Warren to you in death, as in life you entrusted him to us. We pray in the name of Jesus Christ through whom you have offered to each of us your great gift of eternal life. Amen.
Commendation
A life we love is gone. Expectations held have vanished. Into the hands of God we commend the soul of Warren William Whitehouse. 0 God, through your grace that can do far more than we can think or imagine, fulfill in Warren your purpose that reaches beyond time and death. Receive him into the fullness of your kingdom and into the glorious company of the saints. Allow us to celebrate his birthday into life eternal. Amen.
The Lord's Prayer [in unison]
Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen.
Hymn No. 77 [standing] "How Great Thou Art"
Benediction
Go, knowing that God goes with you, helping you through the troubled waters of your soul. Go, knowing that nothing, not even death, can defeat God's strong love for Warren or for us. Thanks be to God. Amen.
Voluntary

COMMITTAL SERVICE
I CORINTHIANS 15
Listen, I will tell you a mystery! We will not all die, but we will all be changed. For this perishable body must put on imperishability, and this mortal body must put on immortality. Then the saying that is written will be fulfilled: "Death has been swallowed up in victory." "Where, 0 Death, is your victory? Where, 0 Death, is your sting?" But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
PSALM 16
Therefore my heart is glad, and my soul rejoices; my body also dwells secure. You, [Lord,] show me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy, in your right hands are pleasures forevermore.
PRAYER
0 God, you have ordered this wonderful world and know all things inearth and in heaven. Give us such faith that by day and by night, at all times and in all places, we may without fear commit ourselves and those dear to us to your never-failing love, in this life and in the life to come. Amen.
COMMITTAL
Almighty God, into your hands we commend Warren Whitehouse, in sure and certain hope of resurrection to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. This body we commit to its resting place, earth-to-earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Grant eternal life to Warren and let your perpetual light shine upon him.
PRAYER
God of grace and mercy, we praise you that through the death and resurrection of your Son, Jesus Christ, we are bom to a new and living hope. We thank you especially for Warren, for the gift of his life, and for your grace given to him. We pray that you will receive him into the arms of your mercy and into the blessed peace that passes our understanding.
By the power of your Holy Spirit, continue to reassure us that neither death nor life, nor things present, nor things to come will be able to separate us from your love that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Enable us so to live in Christ, that when we have fought the good fight, finished our race, and kept the faith, you will bestow upon us the crown of righteousness and heavenly reunion.
BENEDICTION
Now to the One who is able to keep you from falling, and to make you stand without blemish in the presence of God's glory with rejoicing, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, power, and authority, before all time and now and forever.


 

dansdiamond

Food Sound Eng.
Gold Site Supporter
t.dMCyQffxPsdIGQuO.jpg


From ArnettaMae


I am standing on the sea shore,


A ship sails in the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.


She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her


Till at last she fades on the horizon.


Someone at my side says: "She is gone."


Gone! Where! Gone from my sight - that is all.


She is as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her.


The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her.


And just at the moment when someone says, "She is gone,"


Others are watching her coming and gladly shout: "There she comes."


That is dying - an horizon and the limit of our sight.



- Bishop Charles Henry Brent


It’s probably fitting that I should be writing about life continuing on this September 11 – a day when so many widows and widowers were created by the tragedy that we, as Americans, will never, ever forget. Suddenly, I have a more acute understanding of the pain and anguish inflicted on so many innocent spouses and families that fateful day at the hands of terrorists – a world "cancer" that victimizes the innocent and unsuspecting.

As a new widow, I’m finding that all “firsts” are very difficult. The first camping trip on the Saturday and Sunday following Warren’s death, August 22-23, was difficult, but thanks to my daughter’s revelation regarding her final talk with her Dad, when Warren told her he would be there with us on all our adventures, the overnight camping trip turned out to be a positive experience.

Our youngest granddaughter’s 5th birthday celebration on August 27th was also bittersweet; we missed Grandpa but we all felt that he was there with us to celebrate just as he had been with us on the camping trip.

The first Sunday I walked into church without Warren either with me or waiting at home (August 30) brought tears to my eyes. My friend, Judy, who was widowed three years ago, knew it would be hard for me so she sat next to me during the service. I was very glad Judy was there to comfort me, especially when we sang one of our favorite hymns, “His Eye Is on the Sparrow” – a hymn that reduced me to tears and a total inability to sing a single note by the end of the song.

The Memorial Birthday Party Service on September 1 was, of course, wonderful! The people of Nardin Park - Pastor Miller, our friends in the Back 40 and the woman from three circles, Evening Star, Anchor and Torchship, and many others - did a wonderful and absolutely flawless job of carrying out my plans and my every wish for a perfect celebration. They wouldn't let me lift a finger to help and I felt like "Queen for a Day". The music, featuring Mel at the organ and piano and the three soloists from FCC - Tony, Claude and Christine, was also perfect and very memorable. After that beautiful celebration of Warren's life, I figured my busy times with the family and close friends as well as the anticipation of and preparations for Jay and Kate’s wedding would surely carry me through for a while.

Last Friday, September 4th, I drove to Lansing to stay with the girls while Caryn and Tim went out to dinner to celebrate their 15th wedding anniversary. After dinner Tim and Caryn came home and we had a nice bonfire in the back yard with the girls and a friend of Caryn’s. We enjoyed the fire and made s’mores. Then on Saturday, all of us went canoeing on the Grand River in Lansing (Birchfield Park Canoe Rentals). That was another first – the first canoe trip without Warren. We all agreed though, that he had been with us in the canoes also enjoying every turtle, duck and dragonfly that the girls delighted over as we glided along the river on that perfect afternoon.

Sunday, September 6, was the first Sunday in September. At our church that means it is time for communion. It was another “first”. I had taken communion alone before but when I did Warren was always at home perhaps feeling under the weather or overwhelmed with work – especially during tax season. After I took the bread and the “wine” this time it hit me; I was taking communion alone and I would never enjoy the experience with Warren again. By the time I returned to my seat, I was sobbing. Yes, firsts are very hard!

Last week was rough in general, too. I went through some strange feelings for a few days after the memorial service and had a hard time sleeping. I was having many flashbacks to the vision of Warren slumped beside the bed, his legs bent under him, and his left arm on the mattress with his head resting on it. I can't figure out why that vision of Warren’s death kept haunting me when I knew, and still know, that he is with God in Heaven. Heaven is the only place I should be (and want to be) visualizing Warren now. I fought to get the death scene out of my mind because it greatly saddened me. Fortunately, I have been much better for the last couple days. It helped that I looked forward to our oldest Granddaughter, Becky’s, 12th birthday party in Lansing this week. Being with the Golisch family is always a fun time! We are still sharing Grandpa stories and remembrances, too.

Next up is Jay and Kate’s wedding on October 16 and the reception here at our home on October 17. I have a LOT to do before that happens and Jay and Kate will be around quite a lot to get things ready with me. There is no doubt that I will be very busy between now and the wedding.


I know we will all miss Warren’s physical presence during the marriage celebrations but he will definitely be with us in spirit. Warren was, as I am, very proud of Justin’s accomplishments in life and in art, and delighted with Kate as his choice for a mate.

Thanksgiving may be the hardest “first” of all for me and our family. Warren made no secret of the fact that Thanksgiving was his favorite Holiday, bar none. To Warren, Thanksgiving stood for family, faith and love and was less tainted by the commercialism that tends to be associated with Christmas. Most of all Thanksgiving stood for good food and food was always one of Warren’s greatest pleasures in life. He often remarked during his illness how badly he wanted to eat food but fear of the inevitable pain that would result kept him from doing it. I’m hoping that he is enjoying a great Heavenly banquet now!

Yesterday the Cremation locket I ordered in early August came and I filled it with a small amount of Warren's ashes that were held in reserve for it. In life, Warren was very pleased when I showed him the picture of the piece I had ordered. He was also glad when I told him that I would be wearing it for the rest of my life so that I would have him with me at all times. I also bought a charm pin to hang the pendant from if I want to wear a different necklace. Either way the cremation locket will always be with me.

It is a comfort to me to have the locket on. Its beauty and quality greatly exceed my expectations and that is also a joy. The attached picture of it doesn't do the actual piece justice. In actuality, the pendant is brilliant 14kt white gold and the sky around the sailboat is studded with very sparkly crystals that glitter like the stars in Heaven. The sailboat in the pendant signifies our marriage as it does in my tattoo. Having some of Warren’s ashes in an image of the sailboat I wear will forever remind me that God’s guidance is our mutual Lighthouse between Heaven and Earth. His guiding light will shine for both Warren and me until the day when he and I again sail together on the same Horizon - in Heaven with a 10 knot following wind.



Copy write by Arnetta M. Whitehouse
 

dansdiamond

Food Sound Eng.
Gold Site Supporter
THIS IS THE PICTURE OF THE LOCKET THAT IS MISSING FROM THE POST ABOVE.!
t.ZGfrKsANDPQEBdCU.jpg


From ArnettaMae


I am standing on the sea shore,



A ship sails in the morning breeze and starts for the ocean.


She is an object of beauty and I stand watching her


Till at last she fades on the horizon.


Someone at my side says: "She is gone."


Gone! Where! Gone from my sight - that is all.


She is as large in the masts, hull and spars as she was when I saw her.


The diminished size and total loss of sight is in me, not in her.


And just at the moment when someone says, "She is gone,"


Others are watching her coming and gladly shout: "There she comes."


That is dying - an horizon and the limit of our sight.



- Bishop Charles Henry Brent


It’s probably fitting that I should be writing about life continuing on this September 11 – a day when so many widows and widowers were created by the tragedy that we, as Americans, will never, ever forget. Suddenly, I have a more acute understanding of the pain and anguish inflicted on so many innocent spouses and families that fateful day at the hands of terrorists – a world "cancer" that victimizes the innocent and unsuspecting.

As a new widow, I’m finding that all “firsts” are very difficult. The first camping trip on the Saturday and Sunday following Warren’s death, August 22-23, was difficult, but thanks to my daughter’s revelation regarding her final talk with her Dad, when Warren told her he would be there with us on all our adventures, the overnight camping trip turned out to be a positive experience.

Our youngest granddaughter’s 5th birthday celebration on August 27th was also bittersweet; we missed Grandpa but we all felt that he was there with us to celebrate just as he had been with us on the camping trip.

The first Sunday I walked into church without Warren either with me or waiting at home (August 30) brought tears to my eyes. My friend, Judy, who was widowed three years ago, knew it would be hard for me so she sat next to me during the service. I was very glad Judy was there to comfort me, especially when we sang one of our favorite hymns, “His Eye Is on the Sparrow” – a hymn that reduced me to tears and a total inability to sing a single note by the end of the song.

The Memorial Birthday Party Service on September 1 was, of course, wonderful! The people of Nardin Park - Pastor Miller, our friends in the Back 40 and the woman from three circles, Evening Star, Anchor and Torchship, and many others - did a wonderful and absolutely flawless job of carrying out my plans and my every wish for a perfect celebration. They wouldn't let me lift a finger to help and I felt like "Queen for a Day". The music, featuring Mel at the organ and piano and the three soloists from FCC - Tony, Claude and Christine, was also perfect and very memorable. After that beautiful celebration of Warren's life, I figured my busy times with the family and close friends as well as the anticipation of and preparations for Jay and Kate’s wedding would surely carry me through for a while.

Last Friday, September 4th, I drove to Lansing to stay with the girls while Caryn and Tim went out to dinner to celebrate their 15th wedding anniversary. After dinner Tim and Caryn came home and we had a nice bonfire in the back yard with the girls and a friend of Caryn’s. We enjoyed the fire and made s’mores. Then on Saturday, all of us went canoeing on the Grand River in Lansing (Birchfield Park Canoe Rentals). That was another first – the first canoe trip without Warren. We all agreed though, that he had been with us in the canoes also enjoying every turtle, duck and dragonfly that the girls delighted over as we glided along the river on that perfect afternoon.

Sunday, September 6, was the first Sunday in September. At our church that means it is time for communion. It was another “first”. I had taken communion alone before but when I did Warren was always at home perhaps feeling under the weather or overwhelmed with work – especially during tax season. After I took the bread and the “wine” this time it hit me; I was taking communion alone and I would never enjoy the experience with Warren again. By the time I returned to my seat, I was sobbing. Yes, firsts are very hard!

Last week was rough in general, too. I went through some strange feelings for a few days after the memorial service and had a hard time sleeping. I was having many flashbacks to the vision of Warren slumped beside the bed, his legs bent under him, and his left arm on the mattress with his head resting on it. I can't figure out why that vision of Warren’s death kept haunting me when I knew, and still know, that he is with God in Heaven. Heaven is the only place I should be (and want to be) visualizing Warren now. I fought to get the death scene out of my mind because it greatly saddened me. Fortunately, I have been much better for the last couple days. It helped that I looked forward to our oldest Granddaughter, Becky’s, 12th birthday party in Lansing this week. Being with the Golisch family is always a fun time! We are still sharing Grandpa stories and remembrances, too.

Next up is Jay and Kate’s wedding on October 16 and the reception here at our home on October 17. I have a LOT to do before that happens and Jay and Kate will be around quite a lot to get things ready with me. There is no doubt that I will be very busy between now and the wedding.


I know we will all miss Warren’s physical presence during the marriage celebrations but he will definitely be with us in spirit. Warren was, as I am, very proud of Justin’s accomplishments in life and in art, and delighted with Kate as his choice for a mate.

Thanksgiving may be the hardest “first” of all for me and our family. Warren made no secret of the fact that Thanksgiving was his favorite Holiday, bar none. To Warren, Thanksgiving stood for family, faith and love and was less tainted by the commercialism that tends to be associated with Christmas. Most of all Thanksgiving stood for good food and food was always one of Warren’s greatest pleasures in life. He often remarked during his illness how badly he wanted to eat food but fear of the inevitable pain that would result kept him from doing it. I’m hoping that he is enjoying a great Heavenly banquet now!

Yesterday the Cremation locket I ordered in early August came and I filled it with a small amount of Warren's ashes that were held in reserve for it. In life, Warren was very pleased when I showed him the picture of the piece I had ordered. He was also glad when I told him that I would be wearing it for the rest of my life so that I would have him with me at all times. I also bought a charm pin to hang the pendant from if I want to wear a different necklace. Either way the cremation locket will always be with me.

It is a comfort to me to have the locket on. Its beauty and quality greatly exceed my expectations and that is also a joy. The attached picture of it doesn't do the actual piece justice. In actuality, the pendant is brilliant 14kt white gold and the sky around the sailboat is studded with very sparkly crystals that glitter like the stars in Heaven. The sailboat in the pendant signifies our marriage as it does in my tattoo. Having some of Warren’s ashes in an image of the sailboat I wear will forever remind me that God’s guidance is our mutual Lighthouse between Heaven and Earth. His guiding light will shine for both Warren and me until the day when he and I again sail together on the same Horizon - in Heaven with a 10 knot following wind.


Copy write by Arnetta M. Whitehouse
Arnetta-
The Pendant/Locket is gorgeous.
And Henry Brent's Analogy, is the best I ever heard.
 

arnettamae

New member
Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to let you know that I visited here today to see how everyone is doing but it looks like there hasn't been any activity here recently. I remember all of you with so much fondness and I really don't want to lose touch with you. I think about you often and wish you well.

Dan Diamond and I have remained in contact and I'm very glad for that. I hope that Pie Susan is still coping with her stressful situation and I miss those hugs, too, Susan. To my sister in caring, Wasabi - Linda, I still pray for Bo. I hope that he is staying strong. My angel more than once, Fisher's Mom -Terry, I'd love to know how you are doing. Buzzard and Soup Chef - Shari, I thank you for the kind words, too. I hope all of you and everyone who reads this are well!

For my part, life is sad in many ways and strange without Warren but I am coping one day at a time. It has been a very busy time for our family for the past couple months. Our son is now married (as of October 16) to a wonderful girl and our family is rebuilding our life matrix. I am still journaling at www.caringbridge.org/visit/warrenw2 every now and then as new feelings and experiences warrant. You can check me out there and just drop me a line to let me know how you are doing through the guestbook. My e-mail address is on the site and I'd love to hear from you.

Love to my friends at NCT, Arnetta Mae
 

Fisher's Mom

Mother Superior
Super Site Supporter
I'm so happy to see you here, Arnetta! I've thought of you so many, many times. Thanks for letting us know you are ready for us to visit with you again. I miss your journaling and you so much, but I thought you were needing some time to heal so I didn't write. I'm so sorry! I'll be emailing you tonight and look forward to hearing about the wedding, my friend.
 

buzzard767

golfaknifeaholic
Gold Site Supporter
Hi Arnetta Mae. I'm sure that being so busy has been a blessing for you and congratulations on your new daughter-in-law. It's really good to hear from you.

Buzz
 

PieSusan

Tortes Are Us
Super Site Supporter
Hi Arnetta Mae. I have thought of you often and love your new necklace and the beautiful words of the bishop. I am still doing my best to cope with an increasingly difficult situation. I am blessed that my mom still knows me but I have a sinking feeling with all these bugs that this may be her last winter. I just never wanted to have to use her living will. So far, she is recovering from the latest bug but there is so much sickness and pneumonia around her. You have my email address, please feel free to use it anytime. Much love and I always have a special hug for you!
Love, Susan
 
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