Abusive Families

Keltin

New member
Gold Site Supporter
Yeah, grew up with a drunk that “fathered” me from his loins and had it fixed in his mind that children were punching bags and foot stools. He made me hold my Mom’s 45 albums (he hated my Mom’s music) in my hand at a distance of 200 feet and then shot them out of my hand with a 22. He was a real jewel.

The only time me and my brother got a break was when he was beating on Mom.

He died on the job (welding accident) when I was 8 or so, and I never shed a tear.
 

Deadly Sushi

Formerly The Giant Mojito
Yeah, grew up with a drunk that “fathered” me from his loins and had it fixed in his mind that children were punching bags and foot stools. He made me hold my Mom’s 45 albums (he hated my Mom’s music) in my hand at a distance of 200 feet and then shot them out of my hand with a 22. He was a real jewel.

The only time me and my brother got a break was when he was beating on Mom.

He died on the job (welding accident) when I was 8 or so, and I never shed a tear.



I dont blame you for not shedding a tear. I know I wouldnt.

I have a messed up family myself. My father is someone that is bi-polar. He blames EVERYTHING on me and makes me feel like a ball of shit. Because of my situation Im living with him now. We just got into another fight. Critical of everything I do. Tells me I wont amount to anything. Tells me Im a worthless piece of shit. Tells me my dead mother is a ****ing bitch. He spies on me and is agry at everyone and hates everything. On mothers day he calls it Satans Day and calls all women whores. ANd I have to live with this insane bastard. And Im just telling you the small stuff. :(
 

Keltin

New member
Gold Site Supporter
You can’t pick family, but you can pick friends. When someone like that is so caustic, your best path is to FIRST: Realize they are NOT and will NEVER be there for you. So expect nothing.

Second: Just look at them and really see how bad off they are. If you’re honest and you look close, you’ll actually find a way to feel sorry for them……or at least realize it’s not worth wasting your emotion on.

Dealing with someone like that requires a simple skill called “Smile and Nod Your Head”. Just smile, say Yes, you’re right, nod your head, and they go away. If you get pissed, ask ‘em if they wiped their ass today cause something smells!
 

BamsBBQ

Ni pedo
Site Supporter
yup grew up with a physically and emotionally abusive "father".... have had my nose broken twice by him, jaw fractured but those injuries go away.... i was called all sorts of names, treated like crap because he had it in his mind that my mom cheated on him and i wasnt his... we are spitting images by the way... first time i had my nose broken, my little brother had done something, he came home from a binge, started laying into him.."no dad it was me, it wasnt him...he didnt do anything.." got a steel toe to the face..

years later,i was about 24 or 25 with a kid and family of my own... brothers were living right beside him in the next house, i lived across town.. he couldnt get them out of bed to help him to do something, so he was pissed off when i got there... started in on me..started yelling...then i showed him that i really was his son "Backed him again the door of his own house, as said "I have a family of my own, if you ever yell at me again especially in front on my kid again, i will show what you made me..."
he never raised his voice or hand ever again..

point is here, people can change but most abusive people do not. i catch myself with the same traits and step back and think... you cant change them, but you can just expect them to be pieces of shit they are, deal with them that way...

is he on the proper meds DS? the only reason i asked this is because my best friend is bypolar...when she was on the wrong meds or the wrong dose, she was really bad... she got a different doctor and she is really alot better, alot more like when we grew up...

sorry for spewing...
 

Sass Muffin

Coffee Queen ☕
Gold Site Supporter
Not that kind of abuse from immediate family Sush, but an uncle of mine was a dirty, lousy sonofabitch, and I was only 6 y/o at the time.
My GGF on Mom's side wasn't any better.
I despised them both.
.. and that folks is way TMI for me.
So, I'll leave it at that.
 

TexasGirl

The Invisible
Super Site Supporter
Fortunately, my family was always wonderful. Mine started when I met dh! It's not something I like to talk about and only a couple of people know any of it. The physical is now in the past. The verbal and emotional part has never stopped.
 

Biskit

New member
Never abuse from family members, but plenty of verbal abuse from bosses and a former significant other, back when I was young and dumber. Pretty sad when someone who you love and claims she loves ya back treats you like a second class citizen.
Now that I'm older, I've adopted the attitude: I'm 48 years old and I'm at the point of my life where I don't have to take no shit from anybody, and I won't!
 

buzzard767

golfaknifeaholic
Gold Site Supporter
Never abuse from family members, but plenty of verbal abuse from bosses and a former significant other, back when I was young and dumber. Pretty sad when someone who you love and claims she loves ya back treats you like a second class citizen.
Now that I'm older, I've adopted the attitude: I'm 48 years old and I'm at the point of my life where I don't have to take no shit from anybody, and I won't!

My kind of guy!

The only abuse I've ever had was from a boss, but like you, Biskit, I have no tolerance. He was soooo surprised when I left one of his airplanes and two charter clients in Saginaw while I flew back to Central Wisconsin on a commuter plane and flipped him off. It's a long story but I won the court case on unemployment compensation.
 

Biskit

New member
The worst one I dealt with was a drunk whose wife was divorcing him, for obvious reasons. Stuff we did every day for years was suddenly all wrong. He didn't know shit from shoe black about mechanical stuff, but tried to tell us how to fix machinery, blew his cork at ya in front of everybody, tried to get me fired once, but didn't work. I could go on, but you get the picture. After him, I don't give a shit anymore.
 

PanchoHambre

New member
never had an abusive boss per se... just a bunch of self obsessed a-holes

my grandmother and her siblings were severely abused by their father.... amazing how the legacy of one nasty bastard has affected generations of my family in different ways but the horrible childhood they had influenced their parenting and had effect on generations.

Hang in there Sushi... you will get though this rough patch Man
 

JoeV

Dough Boy
Site Supporter
My father was an alcoholic who was mostly verbally abusive, but occasionally would get physical. Nothing I ever did ever measured up to his unvoiced expectations, and he said I'd never amount to anything, so I entered the Air Force at 19 just to get out of that environment.

They say what doesn't kill you will toughen you up, and I believe that to a degree. I resolved to make something of myself regardless of what he said or thought, and when he would come around after I was married and tell me that this or that was not done right, I would just tell him that it was the work of a worthless underachiever, so what the hell do you expect? He would agree.

After Mom died in 87 he was pretty much to himself. I was civil to him and would invite him to holiday celebrations on the condition that if he ever told any of my kids that they were worthless or lazy or would not amount t o anything, that that would be the last time he would see them.

He died in 94 and sadly there were not any tears. I actually felt pity for him because his father was the same way, and they never had any positive role models in their lives. I never heard I love you from him, because I don't think he loved himself enough to be able to give love back. It's really quite sad looking back at the dysfunctional family we had, but three brothers and me all are direct opposites of our father and have very normal and loving families. One brother is the same as our father, and we really don't have much to do with him except at the holidays. He's 55 and still tells the rest of us that we're stupid or lazy or not as smart as him. We just smile when he starts his tirades and walk away from him. We learned that walking away pisses him off more than if we argue with him, so we all get up and leave the room at the same time. We hear him mumble to his wife that we're all ass holes and that someday we'll need him and he'll tell us to go to hell when the time comes. It just makes us tougher.

I'd say to do what it takes to get out of that environment. Where there's a will, there's a way. He's never going to change, so it's up to you to change venues. If you want it bad enough, you'll make it happen.
 

joec

New member
Gold Site Supporter
My father was pretty much out of my life buy the time I was 4 years old. My mother worked and my father's parents raised my kid brother and me. They where really great people but my mother was very abusive towards me both verbally and physically before I got to my teens at which point I moved out completely. My father showed up again when I was 12 and in the hospital but we where never very close again. He was a heavy drinker an so was my mother, hence I'm not much on it as both where mean drunks. My grandparents (father's side) where the prefect parent in all ways.
 

Sass Muffin

Coffee Queen ☕
Gold Site Supporter
I will add that I had wonderful parents, and Grandparents :)
Mom is still my rock in a lot of ways, Dad was da man!
My Grandma and Grandpa on Mom's side were like a second set of parents.

The uncle who sexually abused me as a child was a drunk- it happened once.

My Great Grandfather on Mom's side was hated by nearly everyone in the family.
He'd been bitter and controlling all his life, according to Grandma.
We dreaded him coming over for Sunday dinners because he always smelled like piss, and he knew us kids were terrified of him.
Tall,lanky and always wore black.
When he died, hardly anyone showed up at the funeral home OR the burial.
 

pugger

New member
My Mom was solid gold, still is. Dad sobered up 34 years ago, left us 18 months after he did. Long story, that.

Sass, I ever meet your uncle I'll hurt him.
 

crewsk

New member
I had an abusive boyfriend for 3 years when I was a teenager, he did some really sick & twisted things to me. He died from a cocaine od & I can honestly say that it was one of the happiest days of my life.
 

Sass Muffin

Coffee Queen ☕
Gold Site Supporter
My Mom was solid gold, still is. Dad sobered up 34 years ago, left us 18 months after he did. Long story, that.

Sass, I ever meet your uncle I'll hurt him.

He died 12 years ago in a nursing home. Legless I might add, as he'd lost them both to diabetes.
Strange how these things work out in the end, innit?
 

pugger

New member
It is strange.

I wondered, while ago, how many of us typed in responses w/ wet eyes. I'm not ashamed, mine were.
 

Kei

New member
I had a verbally abusive mom. I ended up living with my aunt and uncle most of the time.
 

homecook

New member
This thread is really sad to hear about so many that were abused. My heart goes out to all of you!!

My dad was an alcoholic. He was also loving in his own way. He did physically abuse my mom for a couple years when we were young but it didn't last long. I guess my mom threatening with divorce scared him enough. Not to say it wasn't heart wrenching. He would normally get drunk and pass out. A blessing in disguise!
Neither of my parents were very loving as in hugs and kisses but we knew they loved us in their own way. I think it was the way "they" were brought up. I guess in a sense that was some kind of abuse.
Fortunately for me I only remember the good and don't dwell on the bad too much. The only time I really "hated" my dad was when he went out and got drunk the night before my wedding and missed the rehearsal. That was heart-breaking......
 

S.Shepherd

New member
Father was bipolar/manic depressive, partly due to a car accident that left him in constant back pain.......

He didn't get diagnosed and on meds untill I was in my late 20's.

We all have similar horror stories
 

Sass Muffin

Coffee Queen ☕
Gold Site Supporter
Well it's cool to see so many of us willing to open up about such a touchy subject.

Btw, the uncle who did that to me at 6-- No, I wasn't violently taken advantage of as in raped.
He just touched me in a very inappropriate manner.

A while after it had happened, my Mother especially was dumbfounded over the fact that I was frightened of him.
I didn't tell her about it until I was about 8 or 9.
I also think it's why I'd been afraid of tall men until I was around age 12.
This was my Father's brother, and he never knew a thing about it because Mom said he'd have killed him.. and trust me.. he would have.
 

Biskit

New member
My father was an alcoholic who was mostly verbally abusive, but occasionally would get physical. Nothing I ever did ever measured up to his unvoiced expectations, and he said I'd never amount to anything, so I entered the Air Force at 19 just to get out of that environment.

They say what doesn't kill you will toughen you up, and I believe that to a degree. I resolved to make something of myself regardless of what he said or thought, and when he would come around after I was married and tell me that this or that was not done right, I would just tell him that it was the work of a worthless underachiever, so what the hell do you expect? He would agree.

After Mom died in 87 he was pretty much to himself. I was civil to him and would invite him to holiday celebrations on the condition that if he ever told any of my kids that they were worthless or lazy or would not amount t o anything, that that would be the last time he would see them.

He died in 94 and sadly there were not any tears. I actually felt pity for him because his father was the same way, and they never had any positive role models in their lives. I never heard I love you from him, because I don't think he loved himself enough to be able to give love back. It's really quite sad looking back at the dysfunctional family we had, but three brothers and me all are direct opposites of our father and have very normal and loving families. One brother is the same as our father, and we really don't have much to do with him except at the holidays. He's 55 and still tells the rest of us that we're stupid or lazy or not as smart as him. We just smile when he starts his tirades and walk away from him. We learned that walking away pisses him off more than if we argue with him, so we all get up and leave the room at the same time. We hear him mumble to his wife that we're all ass holes and that someday we'll need him and he'll tell us to go to hell when the time comes. It just makes us tougher.

I'd say to do what it takes to get out of that environment. Where there's a will, there's a way. He's never going to change, so it's up to you to change venues. If you want it bad enough, you'll make it happen.

Boy! Is he ever wrong!
 

Mama

Queen of Cornbread
Site Supporter
I too had a drunk for a father. My mom had to work three jobs so that there was food in the house while he went to the bars and bought all of his buddies drinks. When my mom would bitch about it, he would get physically and verbally abusive with her but I was never on the receiving end of any physical abuse. He left when I was 11. Didn't hear from him again until I was 18 and he was in the hospital and didn't know if he was going to make it. His wife contacted me and I went to see him...I have no idea why. Later, I ended up taking him into my home and caring for him for a few years before I had to put him in a nursing home because I could no longer care for him at home.

Mom was verbally abusive at times. One minute she could be the best mom in the world the next she would get mad at me for something I did and tell me that she didn't love me anymore...that still hurts when I think about it...but, the old saying holds true...what doesn't kill you will make you stronger. As a result, no one leaves this house or gets off the phone without telling the people around them that they are loved.

When I first married DH, he had a drinking problem. When I was pregnant with DD, we got into an argument and he pushed me and I fell back into a chair. That was an huge awakening for me. I told him that I wouldn't live like that again and he promised to stop drinking. I gave him a chance as long as he was willing to swear off all alcohol. If he even so much as went into the parking lot of a bar and I found out about it he would never see us again. Praise God...he hasn't had anything to do with alcohol since that day and won't even allow it anywhere near our home. That was over 27 years ago.
 

JoeV

Dough Boy
Site Supporter
I think that most people who have come (escaped) from abusive backgrounds generally turn out to be good and loving people. It does my heart good when our kids look forward to coming home, and feel free to talk to us about anything in their lives, without fear of being chastised. We are here for such a short period of time on this earth, that it's important to make a positive impact on as many people as possible during that time...especially kids.

A funeral home is usually full for one of two reasons:

1. The deceased made a positive and lasting impression in many people's lives.

2. The survivors are there to make sure he/she is really dead.

I hope to be in the first category when my time comes.
 
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